Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
I have been trying to spend so much more time reading new blogs, the news, and books. I used to read all the time and I’ve strayed away from it a little bit – probably since I can just binge watch Netflix for 10 hours and it takes no energy. Just being honest lol. But recently I’ve been trying to commit to reading more.
Even though some of the articles I’ve read are just click bait on Facebook, I’ve still been pleased with most of what I’ve stumbled upon. This piece about making friends as an adult really stuck out to me because I feel like it really hit the nail on the head.
Part of growing up is unfortunately growing apart, or at least not being able to spend as much time with each other. We have jobs, people have kids or marriages to focus on, for me I want to spend all my free time with my dog LOL. We maintain our relationships mostly through text messaging and maybe a couple wine nights throughout the month to catch up and gossip.
Adult friendships are not anything like they appear in the movies or TV shows where everyone spends all their free time together and couples just naturally get along and everyones’ kids want to be best friends.
I have been very fortunate to maintain a few close relationships from high school, but most of my close friends are from college. I know that sounds great, except ALL of my college friends live hundreds of miles away from me.. so where does that leave me?
We hope that when we start working we will make friends at work, right? Except it is actually really difficult to figure out what the proper balance is between mixing your personal and professional life. I’ve been extremely lucky that I can consider one of my coworkers one of my best friends – but I think this is really hard for all adults to find. We spend 40 hours a week with some of these people but you can’t tell them much of anything. If you talk about how you went out and drank too much over the weekend they might think you’re irresponsible and use it against you. If you start looking for a new job, they might tell your boss. If they hear you’re buying a house, they might question how much money you make in comparison to them.
In addition to wanting to keep my personal and professional life separate, let’s be real… I spend 40 hours a week with these people, do I really want to spend time with them outside of work too?! NO!!!!
But where does that leave me? How do we maintain healthy adult friendships with the understanding that people just get busy and can’t spend all their time together? I think this is really difficult because as humans we naturally crave human connection besides the connection from a romantic relationship.
I also think social media makes this extra difficult for everyone because it seems like everyone on Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat are really living their best life. It looks like they have so many friends and they are doing all these fun things all the time, but if they are anything like me – most of those group photos contain only a few real friends and then a bunch of acquaintances – not a whole group of people who I converse with daily and know every detail about each other’s lives. So we sit around and look at what people are doing on social media and we feel like we aren’t as connected to those around us, but I have to assume most adults are going through the same thing as I am.
So what am I supposed to do? Do I join a new class at the gym? (Please don’t tell me this is my only option) Do I find a new hobby? I don’t know! But I know that being an adult can be very, very lonely if you don’t have people to spend time with, vent to, share stories with.
What do you think? How have you made friends as an adult? I can’t be the only one with this problem so tell me your stories!
With love from my city to yours,