“The funny thing about chasing the past is most people wouldn’t know what to do with it if they caught it” – Atticus
My one year blogging anniversary was this past weekend and I decided it’s about time you all get the full story about falling for your back-up plan. It’s been a while since I’ve talked about this and I’ve been promising you this story for quite some time.
Let me start by saying Atticus is my FAVORITE modern-day poet. If you haven’t read his work I very highly suggest it. His reason behind his anonymity (he believes his writing will more accurately reflect his true feelings if no one knows who he is) is a lot of the reason behind my anonymity for now as well. It’s easy to write about anything you’d like when the people who are reading your work aren’t aware of who you really are.
But to get back to the point here – the quote above really speaks to me as well. Most of us wish that we could have another chance at a relationship, a job, an education, or even a conversation. Many of us lose sleep, mess up our appetite, and waaaaaaaaay overthink what could have been. But like Atticus wrote – most of us wouldn’t know what to do with the past if we caught it, if we had another chance to redo the situation.
So what happens when the one who got away comes back? What happens ifyou get another chance to do it again? I am currently trying to navigate this type of situation with my “back up plan” who I wrote about in January. My back up plan, R, seems to not really be a back up plan at all. Rather, I was so blind to my true feelings for him for so long that they were so overwhelming for me when I finally figured it out last year.
Let me bring you up to speed.
If you read falling for your back up plan or if you had talked to me after this happened – After I told R I had feelings for him, he told me it was too late. I mean really it felt like my whole world was crashing down. At the time, I had not only lost the person I just recently discovered I had feelings for, but really I put me and my best friend in a real bad situation because we were hardly communicating, and when we were it was like he was tip toeing around my feelings constantly because he basically had just broken my heart.
The whole thing was really weird because for SO LONG he had feelings for me and I just knew that they didn’t disappear overnight. But after a month or so he began seeing someone else and I know now that this is the reason this whole situation turned out so weird.
A few months later, I started seeing someone too. Oddly enough, a few days before my relationship began, his ended. It was almost like our timing was never going to line up quite right. But fast forward to now and we are both single again.
When he told me he had feelings for me a few months ago I was floored. Honestly, I wanted to say you’re really joking me right now right… but I didn’t because it’s just different with R. He’s been my best friend for so long I know he just gets me.
I’m thankful throughout this whole process I’ve been able to maintain that friendship even if at times it was rocky. Now? We are just taking things slow, hoping our friendship can come first so we don’t end up hurting each other again, and just seeing what happens. I have gone over the entire situation in my head so many times and felt like I handled it so wrong that I might never get this chance again so while it seems like a very small step, I’m happy for any chance at all.
I ran a poll on Twitter and 86% of voters said that you should NEVER get back with an ex. I will very honestly say that if this situation had happened to any of my friends, I would be telling them RUN because you weren’t his “first choice” blah, blah, blah. I suck at taking my own advice, people, don’t act so surprised lol!
I’m going to say… HE ISN’T MY EX YOU GUYS! WE NEVER GAVE IT A CHANCE! Annnnnd if it doesn’t work out? Well, then I’ll have another story for you! 😉
What do you think? Is this a disaster waiting to happen or do you think it’s good I’m taking a leap of faith?! Do you have a story like this of your own?
With love from my city to yours,