How are you doing? It’s such a simple question and sometimes doesn’t get much more than a “I’m good, how are you?” response. But every once in a while, you ask someone how they are doing and it opens a door for them to actually tell you how they are doing.
When I am going through something personal, I normally like to keep to myself and figure out my own way to handle the situation. I might talk to a few close friends about the situation and get some advice, but overall l keep to myself and try to learn from it and grow.
However, I am one of those friends that is always, always, always, willing to listen to everyone’s problems and try to craft the best advice to give. I like to help people and I find no downside to ever helping out my friends or family, or anyone for that matter. This is how I have always been and I have never had any complaints about being the person that everyone comes to for advice.
Until last year.
If you read my post, falling for your back-up plan, you already know the type of situation myself and my closest guy friend ended up in. (I promise the full story is coming soon!) As our friendship struggled, I didn’t have him to turn to and it became really frustrating for me to not know who else to reach out to. Some of my friends gave me extremely poor advice like “this isn’t like you to get so upset over a guy, pull yourself out of it” which obviously is not helpful. Don’t you think if I could pull myself out of it, I would have done so without consulting in anyone else?!?! Come on!
And then came everyone else’s difficult times. Everyone kept reaching out to me, calling and texting me, wanting to vent about their relationship troubles or their friend drama or problems at work – but they weren’t asking how I was doing.
I pulled myself out of my slump and continued to look at the entire situation as opportunities for self-growth, starting with a promise to myself that in 2018 I would no longer keep people in my life who did not care to ask how I was doing.
There are so many ways to practice self-care. A lot of what I have read is more focused on unwinding and unplugging and those are definitely important, but I think it is also important to allow yourself to detach from toxic people.
Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. Toxic people do not have to be romantic relationships. These can be family members, friends, or anyone else, really. We never see them coming and most of the time we really don’t see how toxic they are from the inside of the relationship either. It’s only when we take a few steps back, are we really able to see the toxicity of the relationship we are in.
Once I took a step back from my friendships, I was able to see that a few of them were extremely one-sided friendships. It’s not always their fault, some people are not brought up to really see the world beyond themselves, and while I think that is unfortunate, there is nothing I can do about it. What’s best for me is to remove myself from mentally draining friendships and spend more time with people in which I have a very evenly, two-sided relationship. I really do have a fantastic support system overall, there were just a few bad eggs sprinkled in.
It’s hard to lose people, especially when we are the ones making the choice to end the friendship, but sometimes it’s just time to cut the cord.
And by the way, I’m going to be doing just fine.
Have you ever considered that you might be the only person that day that asked how they were doing? It’s crazy to think but that’s why I find it so important to reach out to people when they don’t seem to be 100%!
With love from my city to yours,